Everything
by Tempest819
Summary: Takes place the morning after spending the night at Eileen's. Post New Years episode


Title: Everything  
Rating: PG  
Fandom: Sophie/Sian - Coronation Street

Author: Tempest819  
Summary: Takes place the morning after spending the night at Eileen's  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but a Honda Civic. The characters below belong to BBC/ITV blah, blah, blah. Don't sue me.

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After spending the night on Eileen's pull out couch, Sophie woke to the sound of knocking and Rosie's voice.

"Oy, you two sex fiends better wake up. You've got school today, yeah? Don't get any randy ideas about saving time by showering together either! We're on a strict bathroom schedule and you two little minxes are not going to muck it up for me." Rosie giggled before leaving.

Sophie rubbed her eyes in an effort to usher her mind to wakefulness. She looked to her right and saw Sian still sleeping. She couldn't help but notice that even though they were on a small pull-out bed, Sian had managed to pin herself to the side of the couch putting a fair amount of space between the two of them. Sophie shook her head, trying to tell herself that Sian was being super cautious considering everything that had happened the day before, but, still, something didn't sit right with her.

"Sian, time to wake up. We've got school today."

The blonde mumbled something intelligible and turned toward Sophie.

"We're at Eileen's aren't we?"

"Yeah, where'd ya think we were, silly?" Sophie reached over and rubbed Sian's head.

"Ugh, I was hoping the past few days were just a nightmare." Sian winced the minute the words past her lips. It was too late though. She could see that they hit Sophie dead on.

The brunette hung her head and shook it, trying to erase the words that were slowly being branded in her mind.

"A nightmare, Sian?"

"That's not…I didn't mean-" Sian voice cut off as she tried desperately to find the words to make things right. She reached out for Sophie's hand, hoping to convey with touch what she failed to do with words, but the other girl pulled away and turned her back before she could make contact.

"Yes you did." Sophie's voice was cracked and made her sound younger than her years.

Sian, frustrated with herself, as well as Sophie's reticence, slammed her hand down on the mattress. "This is what happens Soph! Everything changes after…"

"After what?"

"After sex."

Sophie turned to face Sian at those words. She knew Sian was having doubts and that just confirmed it. "Well, yeah, but that's a good thing I thought. It brought us closer…at least I thought it did."

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look around. Look where we are. Everything changes, Soph. All it took was one night and the next day everything was different. You're lying to your mum, you're buying fizzy, we're breaking vows to God and promises to your parents about me staying with you…"

"We're back to this are we? One minute you're telling me you like it when I let loose and now this?"

"I do, I did, it's just…"

Sophie watched as Sian struggled to find her words and she felt her sadness start to be consumed by anger. Could nothing ever stay? Must everything shatter to pieces, no matter how sacred?

"Just what? You're done with me then? Gotten over the thrill?" Sophie's voice waivered, belying the anger she was trying to convey to mask her pain.

Sian drew her head back, unsettled by the mix of emotions swirling in Sophie's eyes. "Soph! No! God no! It's not like that at all."

Sophie, unfazed by the sincerity of Sian's words, continued to press the other girl. "Really? So how is it, Sian? Just be honest and say what you really mean for once?"

"For once?" Sian questioned, not sure what Sophie was implying.

"Yeah. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of always having to pull everything out of you like some stupid magician…Just say it. Or maybe you can't because you don't know what you want or what you feel? You just say things…you do things…because it's what the other person wants and you do it anyway because you'd rather let someone else figure it out for you than do it yourself. Less responsibility that way, yeah? And if it goes wrong you can always blame it on someone else."

Sian felt tears form in her eyes as she processed Sophie's harsh words. "Why would you say that to me?"

"Because it's true."

"I don't even know who you are right now…All I know is that I don't like it at all."

Sian slipped on her shoes, grabbed her coat, and left the room, leaving Sophie to finally feel the weight of the words they'd just exchanged. She dropped to the floor and pulled her knees to her body, trying with all her might to turn back time and start that day over.

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Sophie eventually kicked herself out of her fantasy and finally followed after her girlfriend. Sophie found the blonde in her room at the Webster house, packing clothes into a bag.

"Sian, what are you doin'?"

"Packing my stuff." Sian didn't turn at the sound of Sophie's voice. She didn't want to. It would only make what she was doing that much harder.

"Why? We just need to change our clothes for school?"

"Thought it might be a good idea to stay at me mum's for a few days."

"I don't understand."

Sian clenched her eyes shut as she felt the pain that came across in Sophie broken voice. That voice was the one she knew, childlike and earnest. But it didn't matter, too much had been said or not enough, either way she couldn't stay.

"Things are all turned inside out Soph. I need some time to think."

"You're leaving me then? After everything that's happened?"

Sian, frustrated with Sophie's feigned ignorance of the words she had lashed out at Eileen's just moments earlier, responded with her own harsh reply. "You're the one who said I need to figure things out for myself. Besides, don't know what you'd want me around for anyway? I'm just a leech aren't I? Living off your family, your home, your life."

"That's not what I meant."

"You can't take those words back, Soph. You said them for a reason. And if you don't know why you did then you need to figure it out. Maybe while I'm away some of it will get sorted and start to make sense again."

The sound of Sian zippering her bag brought Sophie out of her stupor just in time to see the other girl start to walk toward the door. Her heart screamed for her to call out and admit what her anger had tried to get her to deny.

"I wanted to hurt you."

Sian stopped short at those words. She turned and saw her girlfriend standing in the middle of the room with tears running down her face. As hard as it was too see, it comforted her, in a way. This was the Sophie she knew and loved. Honest and real.

"Why?"

"Because I hurt...and I can't make it stop, Sian." Sophie fell to her knees at that admission. All that she had been holding back, all the weight that she had been carrying came crashing down on her at that moment.

"Soph?" Sian immediately ran to her side and pulled her into an embrace.

"Everything…everything…" Sophie uttered through her tears.

"Everything, what?" Sian questioned as she tried to wipe the tears from her girlfriend's eyes.

"Everything I thought I believed in, everything I thought was invincible, my family, my church, my faith just shattered. My church tells me I'm not welcome anymore and it turns out my happy family life had been a lie and I ask God to help me, but I can't hear him Sian, and I can't see him. Not in this."

"Soph, no."

"But its true, Sian. All that happened. I never realized how much of me, of who I am is in those things and now they're gone. And then there's you…"

"I'm here."

Sophie looked into the other girl's eyes and was grateful for the warmth she found there. But it reminded her of another moment, when Sian's eyes weren't as welcoming. "You weren't though."

"When?" Sian replied, drawing her head back in confusion.

"The morning after…" Sophie's voice trailed off as she dipped back into the recent memory. "That night, so many things were mashing up in my head, between my dad leaving and the drink…I kind felt like I was spinning out into space. But then you promised me forever and it gave me something to hold on to. I didn't want to let go and lose it…like everything else."

"Is that why we?"

"I wanted to feel you, all of you; I didn't want anything in between us anymore. I needed that. I thought you did too."

"I did!" Sian replied and reached out to cup the other girl's cheeks with her hands. "I wanted that night as much as you did, Soph."

Sophie, shaking her head, pulled off the other girls hand from her face and stood up. "It didn't feel like that the next morning, Sian. You compared me to a flippin shoe!"

Sian dropped her head into her head in frustration. She knew those words would eventually come back to bite at her. "Soph, I didn't mean anything bad."

"A shoe, Sian!"

Sian got up and walked over to face the brunette. "It was a poor choice of words, alright. I was out of sorts because I was afraid of your Mum coming in and it made me a little jumpy, that's all.

"You gonna keep pushing that line?"

"It's the truth!"

"I'm being honest with you, Sian. If you care about me at all you'd do the same." Sophie crossed her arms at her chest as she felt her anger start to build back up.

Sian, taken back by her words, stepped closer and reached out to uncross Sophie's hands and take them into her own. "Care about you? Sophie, I'm in love with you."

"You were in love with Ryan once too. You slept with him too."

Sian dropped the other girl's hands at that statement. "Is that what this is about? You can't seriously be bringing him into this again."

"I remember. I remember what you said after you slept with him. You didn't regret it, remember? You were so sure then. And when you woke up after making love with me, you wouldn't even kiss me; you barely looked me in the eye."

"I did kiss you!"

"Yeah, right before you ran out of the room, like you were running from a fire. And later when I kissed your neck you acted like I spit on ya!"

"That's funny because I remember us sleeping together again right after that?"

"Did you even want to?"

"Yes! Why is it that I always have to convince you of everything I feel? Why don't you trust me, after everything we've been through?"

"Because I gave you everything that night, but you acted like I stole something from ya!" Sophie paused after making that admission. This was the truth of it, what she had been holding back. "Did you even remember that I was the one who was a virgin that night, Sian? I'd only kissed a boy before you. I was so scared, but I thought I was safe, because it was you."

Sian felt as though her heart had been hit with a hammer. How could she have been so blind? Had she really been so caught up in her own fears that she completely ignored her girlfriend's? She replayed the memory of that morning with this new perspective and felt her stomach turn in revulsion after it was over.

"Soph…" Not knowing what words would come close to expressing the regret she felt at what she put Sophie through; she reached out to hold her, hoping her embrace would communicate what her words could not.

Sophie moved out of Sian's reach. She felt too vulnerable at that moment to be touched, especially by Sian.

"I didn't feel safe that morning, Sian. I thought I did something wrong…that I disappointed you. That's why I pushed you that afternoon before my mum found us. I thought maybe after the second time it would be different, it would be better, I would be better…for you."

Sian, struggling to talk through her tears, replied, "Soph, you have to know…you have to know, I was there with you. It was both of us making love, not just you. It wasn't a disappointment. Not even close."

"Then why did you look like you regretted it after?"

"Because I was scared!"

"Because it didn't feel right?" Sophie questioned.

"No! Because I knew that things would be different now. Sex changes things, Soph. It happened before…"

"With Ryan?"

"He changed…after. It wasn't the same between us."

"You're comparing what we have to him?"

"No, I'm not. But I remember that feeling, Soph."

"He's a guy! Sian, if you're gay it should have felt different between you two after you had sex. It should have felt weird. But I'm the one you're telling that 'it felt weird' to? How does that make sense?" Sophie turned her back to the other girl hoping to avoid letting her know how much the comparison threatened her. She felt Sian approach her back.

Sian, with hesitant hands, reached out to embrace Sophie from behind. She felt the other girl stiffen at first and then relax into her arms. "Because I never had this much to lose before, Soph! I didn't feel for him what I feel for you. You say you don't know what to believe anymore because of what you've lost, yeah? Well I lost something too, Soph. I lost my family completely. They don't even want me anymore. I got a Christmas card from my mother...that's it. My father didn't even call me. I'm seventeen and I've lost everything. All I have is you."

Sian let go of Sophie and walked around the other girl to face her, wanting her next words to be said looking into her eyes. "I wanted you that night, God, Soph, I've wanted you for so long, you have to know that. But you seemed different after...and I was scared. And I really didn't want your mum to catch us because I liked having a place where I belonged, I felt like I had a family again and I didn't want to lose that too. When you were arguing with your mum, you were different. The things you said to her…you wanted to hurt her. I'd never seen you like that. And how you kind of laughed it all off when we went to see Rosie, like it was just rolled off your back. Then when I asked you about God, the way you answered me, you seemed so casual, twirling your hair, shrugging you're shoulders like it wasn't a big deal, like you were explaining why you changed from Team Edward to Team Jacob, not why you were losing your faith in something that used to fill you up so much. It was like you were someone else."

"It does mean a lot to me. It's not casual. I just…I blurted it out before I'd really figured out what I was feeling or why."

Sian reached out to take the other girls hand into her own. "I wish you had just told me that when you started to feel that way. When you're hurting you push me away Soph, and then you pull me back so fast I feel like I've got whiplash."

"I know I do. I was just so angry with so much. I couldn't keep everything straight in me head. I'm so sorry, Sian."

"Don't be. I'm the one who's guilty."

"Guilty?"

"Because I slept with you even though I knew something was going on inside ya. I felt so bad about it the next day. I should have told you then, how I was feeling…but I held it back and let you go on thinking you had done something wrong. I didn't feel weird, I felt ashamed. And not because you're another girl, but because you're my girl…and I let you down. Soph, I'm so sorry that I made you feel unwanted. I swear to you that my feelings are soooo opposite of that. I love you so much. I know I'm terrible at it lately, but, I swear I love you more than anything."

Sophie, overwhelmed by the love and honesty she felt Sian's words and saw in her eyes, pulled the other girl into a tight embrace and replied, "Me too. I can't lose you, Sian. Not you too."

"I can't lose you either, Soph." Sian returned the intensity of the embrace, reveling in the closeness. "What a right pair we are, yeah?" Sian questioned.

"The best pair since peanut butter and jelly." Sophie replied, pulling back to look into the other girl's eyes.

"Beer and lemonade?" Sian countered.

"Dolce and Gabbana?" Sophie offered.

Sian reached out to brush an errant strand of hair out of Sophie's face before asking, "Always and forever?"

Sophie leaned in and placed a gentle but, heartfelt kiss on the other girls lips. When done she leaned her forehead against Sian's and replied, "Always and forever."

~Finis~


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